


I could have loved you Laura Moon

by AudreyHorneFeelsDreamy



Category: American Gods (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 03:25:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11348871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudreyHorneFeelsDreamy/pseuds/AudreyHorneFeelsDreamy
Summary: Just a moment between Laura and Sweeney, because under all that gruff exterior they both arm themselves with, I think there's small moments like this.





	I could have loved you Laura Moon

Her skin slipped slackly against his fingers, and the stench that hung around her like a muddy aura was enough to make anyone gag, but he hardly noticed anymore.

“I was a king.” He murmured, and against his chest he felt her slow laugh before he heard it’s muffled intonation.

“I know… You said… Several times.” She leaned back a little to look at him, her smile cynical, but not unkind. “How many times do you have to say it before it’s true again? Do you have to look in the mirror, say it three times like Bloody Mary? Or five like Candyman if that’s your thing…”

Her eyes were opaque, like staring at a dirty glass filled with sour milk, her pupils almost invisible, save for the slight movement, like shadow when she flickered her gaze across his face.

He wondered how well she could see out of them now.

“I do it to remind me’self, not for validation…” 

He wants to get angry.

He wants to put his hands on her birdlife shoulders and shove her back hard enough that she’d hit the wall and slither down it a mess of rotting tissue and crumbled bones. 

In the end though, he only pulls her back against his chest, bowing his head to nuzzle into her hair with a sigh.

Her hair is brittle, like sea grass, and he can hear things moving in it, tiny insects trying to burrow through the scalp and start a rotting process she’d fought against for so long.

He pays no mind though, only sighs again.

The only thing he can do.

“I spent… _So_ long not caring if I died… And when I did, all I could think was… _Take it back_ …. But I had no one to ask…. Only empty dark waiting for me.”

He felt a tremor through her body and only tightened his embrace.

“What if I never gave you back the coin… What happens to me then? Do I end up a pile of sludge and bone still trying to talk to you while bugs eat my tongue? What am I even doing?”

“Laura…”

“Don’t _fucking_ Laura me…” Her tone is harsh but it lacks conviction, and maybe that’s what’s the most heartbreaking, the defeat in her voice.

“You’re not my fucking husband…”

“Neither is he…”

“No… No he’s not. He only vowed till death do us part, so I guess he’s home free…” She pulled back again with a sniffle, but her eyes were dry as parchment, her lips cracked and flaky. There wasn’t enough water in the world to bring this flower back to bloom.

“Wish I was…”

“Wish you were what?” She frowned, even though she knew the answer.

“Your husband… All that chasing around the damn country looking for him, and now… when you need him most, you got to make do with me… You deserve better.”

“I deserve what I got.” She said darkly, then softened her gaze when she saw his own fall a little.

“I don’t mean… Shit… I don’t mean you’re less than I deserve, or that I’m shit so I deserve you… I just…”

He shushed her, placing his hands on her face, gently, minding the fragility of her skin, then bent to kiss her forehead, and when she closed her eyes he could almost pretend she was living, if not for the flies that alighted on her cheeks, attracted to the decay.

She opened them again, and smiled at him, almost prettily, before sinking against his chest again with a sigh of her own.

“I could have loved you Laura Moon.” He whispered.

“Probably wouldn’t have ended well.”

“Still would have tried.”

She was quiet a moment, contemplating this and realizing that Shadows love had always been conditional.

Conditional on her loving him back, on her being happy and content

If Shadow had been her puppy, Sweeney would have been her kitty, chaotic evil, breaking stuff just to see how it sounded, starting fights for fun and looking indignant when it didn't go the way he planned, but maybe Sweeney would have laughed at her and sat in the damn hot tub right at her side while she filled the cramped space with bug spray, maybe he would have helped her to be brave and hold the lid down, maybe he would have held her so she didn’t have to go alone.

“I know you would have… Maybe I could have too.” She said truthfully.

For a moment they just stood there, like neither was sure who was taking comfort from who, then Laura took a deep breath.

“Maybe I could give it back… Maybe I had my time already and should just… go back and find Anubis… Let him lead me to the nothing…”

“No.”

“What am I even doing?”

“I don’t want it back…”

“Sweeney…”

“I’d cut off me own hands before I let you give me back my coin… Every minute you’re here there’s a chance.”

“A chance for what?”

“Hope.”

“I don’t believe in hope.”

“You didn’t used to believe in Gods…”

“Touche..” She mumbled into his jacket.

“Just…. Stay… A little longer.” He pleaded, stroking his hand down her hair, large knots coming away in his fingers.

“Ok.” She sighed, all the fight drained out of her at the inevitable finality of the situation, no matter how long she stayed.

He wanted her to stay.

Needed her to stay.

Because every second she did was a small atonement for what he’d done for Wednesday, and every second that passed after that, he needed her a little more.

“Just… Stay.” 


End file.
